He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
