If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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