you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
