You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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