I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
