Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
