When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
