I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
