I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
