i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wear drunk well.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
