i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
