Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
