He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
