My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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