The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
