I am spending my child support on dildos
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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