you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
