grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
