watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
