And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
