i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
