There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
