wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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