Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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