Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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