great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
