I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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