Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
