I faked an abortion last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
