No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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