K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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