I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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