This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Randomize
