So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
