I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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