You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
