he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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