remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
