Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
