You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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