So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need water and some morals
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
