Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
