How'd it feel making her break her religion?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
