Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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