I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
