My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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