I want to stick my p in your. b.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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