Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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