You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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