i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm at about main and main street
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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