adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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