no, he came in my armpit
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish there were birth control emojis
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
