I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize