i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
