Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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