Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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