Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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