absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His nipple licking is glorious
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