WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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