So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
