just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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