Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i think i just lost a toe
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
