New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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