I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
