i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
