I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
