i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
