You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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