So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
