We're facebook friends in real life
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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