If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Randomize
