i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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