We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
