Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Two words: nipple clamps
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