u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
