i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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